friendships for the 30-somethings.

When you are young, making friends feels effortless.

You settle into quick friendships with the girl who sits next to you in class, the kid who always has the pudding cups in his lunch. You don't really have to work at it, because there seems to always be people who like you right there, eager to hang out and become your new BFF.

But when was the last time you made a new friend? A real, true friend who withstood the test of time and life complications? Someone who you really, truly love -- not just someone to gripe and moan with at the office Keurig, but who will be there for you in a snap, who you can call at anytime, and who can call you at 3am? That person who you feel, no matter what, will always be there for you?

I've experienced a pretty difficult situation in the last couple of years.  It has been the hardest one of my life. This has been a couple of years that have seen a lot of changing relationships, and lost ones. And I discovered, as I pick up the pieces and try to move on, that as you reach your thirties, it gets increasingly difficult to make true and lasting friends. Why is that?

We just don't have the time anymore.

Sure, we thought we had it rough in high school and college -- but in retrospect, that was all youthful naiveté. Many of us now work ceaseless hours and while we may have many people we love spending time with, we all too often just don't have the time to spend. It's hard enough to maintain ties with our dearest friends. Do we have time to add new ones to the mix?

We've solidified our identities.

If you think about it, as we grow up, the friends we have are a crucial part of the person we develop into. Our friendships determine who we are in a lot of ways we don't even realize. But as we get older, we sort of already know who are and it gets harder. We now need to cultivate relationships that are compatible with our own inherent self. They don't need to be just like us, but they do need to be someone that doesn't leave us wanting to rip our hair out either. Because, as said above, who has time for that?

Friendships are a lot like dating.

I've actually heard of people being set up on "friendship blind dates" -- lady dates where you would meet a new potential friend for dinner or a movie. For some, it has worked really well.

For me, I am unsure how I'd personally fare at something like that. If dating itself so often feels like a job interview, imagine having to interview for an entirely new social circle...

Now that I'm in a new city, finding new friends seems so difficult.  I know most of you have been influenced by someone to read "The 5 Love Languages," or at least to take the quiz.  I, too, have been bitten by that bug.  However, I have yet to find the "friendship love language" test. 

I can honestly say that my marriage love language & my friendship love language are completely different.  In my marriage, my love languages are words of affirmation & touch. In friendship?  Teasing. Sarcasm.  Possibly violence.

I know that isn't exactly the most positive expression of love, but it's me. 
Because of this quality, I have been known to recite a friendship disclaimer to newcomers. If you haven't heard it yet, you should be educated so as to not offend you in the future.
It usually goes something like this:

"Ok.  If we're going to be close friends, you should be aware of something.  I tend to show affection through sarcasm and teasing.  If I really meant the things I say, I wouldn't be saying them.  Honestly, I like to avoid confrontation.  So, don't be offended or take me seriously.  If I give you a hard time, it means I like you.  If I offend you, please tell me so I can correct it.  Deal?"

 Maybe I can make a contract...

People show you who they really are (and you may not like it).

When we were kids, the worst thing that ever happened in friendships would be that my fifth grade BFF would start sitting with someone else at lunch. It felt tragic at the time, but by the next day, I had a new BFF. It was easy then. Now, when we make and lose friends, the parameters feel a lot larger -- it's very much like a breakup, possibly even a death. There are so many different types of friendship breakups. The people who say they will be there for you, and then ultimately aren't. The people who were friends with you and your ex, but now that you are no longer a couple, choose sides and you're left out in the cold. The people who get married or have babies and suddenly just aren't as available as they once were. And, there's the most common type of friendship end in your 30s -- the ones that drift apart. You simply have different interests now, and nothing left to talk about. As I said, it's kind of like a divorce, and just as hard to come back from.

Even with tons of friends, life can be lonely. Especially if these friends are long distance, or people you predominantly chat with on the Internet. No tweet can hug you when you are sad. No email can give you someone to meet for an impromptu girls night out when you've had a bad day.

My Mishell lives in California, but always finds time to call.  Love that chick!

My "squad" from California.  We now all live in different states.  I miss them so too too much.

My California newspaper girls -- Lauren & Maggie.  Our adventures cannot be matched.

Danielle & I bonded over our immense love for jumping pictures while I lived in California.  Miss her!!

This has been an incredibly hard two years for me, one where a lot of friendships have simply disappeared. And I've discovered that maybe, as you get older, it's not the same anymore. You don't need to have loads of friends. You need to have a few really good ones. And when you manage to have that -- and, praise the Lord, I do -- treat them like the gold they are. You'll never have a more precious asset. And, as you may have noticed, they aren't so easy to replace.

 

the soup.

The Soup includes a mixture of all the lovely things that made me *squee* this week! It’s got my favorite geek news, social media posts, and anything other delicious thing that makes me happy. 
So, awaaay we go! 

• Geek Newsy Things:  Thor’s Jaimie Alexander Fans The Flames Of Rumorville By Talking About Warner Bros. Superhero Films & Wonder Woman at The Mary Sue and "Star Wars: Episode VII" Gets An Official Release Date at Nerd Approved. 
• Favorite Facebook/Instragram Post:  I'm thankful that my friend, Sophia, sent me a virtual Starbucks red cup cheers from California.  I can't say that I was thankful for her song choice -- "Friday" by Rebecca Black.  Ugh, earworm.

• 

  
  
• Favorite Tweet: "Shout out to @theradwagon!  One of the few RL people that can handle me on twitter." -- @jayosy (My friend, Joss, in California)  <--- She's pretty awesome by the way, which deserves a follow in my opinion.
• Favorite Pin:

  

  (imglove.com)

• Favorite Song: "Miss Jackson" by Panic! At The Disco
• Favorite Blog Post:  "The Littlest Turtle" at Daddy's Little Prop.  So. Much. Cute.
• Something I Learned:  One of the most popular marching songs for the Russian Military is the Spongebob Squarepants theme song.
• Wants of the Week: 
  
  LOVE this GameBoy Coffee Mug from This Is Why I'm Broke.  I think that seeing the "Game Over" at the end would make me even more distraught about having no coffee.
•  
  
  My, oh my!  So much want for this Michael Kors bag.  Ugh.  Give me your money!
  

  

  Seriously!  The cold weather is here and I live with Mr. Polar Bear.  I would rock one of these Star Wars Onesies in a heartbeat!
  
  

  

  
  As a proud girl with a gun, I love these target posters!  These are even better than the zombie targets that have been around.  I might need to order some and go warm up my Glock! 
  
  What are some things that made you squee this week?  Hit me up or share in the comments.
  
  
  
  

tales of a pedestrian.

I haven't always been a pedestrian.

Living in typical small town Texas, you don't really have the option whether to walk or drive. With the nearest grocery store or restaurant being at least 20 minutes away, it's either drive or forget about it.

I had honestly never really had to deal with pedestrians unless you count driving in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Even then, I never really had the "wrath of the motorist" when it came to waiting for them to cross in front of my vehicle. Maybe that's just southern charm. You know, the whole "manners" thing that we're born with. "No, after you," and I'd just wave them along.

Once in California, I became a pedestrian immediately. I admit it was slightly odd at first. Crosswalks and intersection were a bit of a new thing to maneuver. The awkward dance of "Is there a button to push on this one? Oh, no? Umm....ok." made it a little bit unnerving.

Apparently pedestrians are equated to rodents & other vermin.

I continued to employ the "look both ways before crossing the street" each time I made my way into the crosswalk. My Mamaw's words would ring in my ears every time I came to an intersection. She instilled this handy little rule in me. Funny enough, I practiced this rule in the small north Texas town of Ambrose. Population: 41.

Despite my cautiousness, I continued to nearly get mowed down each time I placed a foot within those white stripes. In one year, I had close calls with soccer moms, AARP members and even law enforcement.

I must admit that one incident was not the motorist's fault, but that of the crazy lady that lived in my apartment building at the time. Not sure why she felt that she needed to carry on a conversation with me in the middle of a crosswalk. But she did. Nothing meaningful. Nothing deep. Just an "Amber, right?" as she turned and stood in the middle of the lane in her bathrobe. Trying to turn back and walk at the same time, I said, "Yes ma'am" as a car came to an abrupt stop in the lane I was now walking through. She turned and stood there, shaking her head up and down, as if computing everything that I had just said. All two words.

That I can understand.

However, when the car in the left lane is stopped for me as I cross and a gas-guzzling SUV flies through the crosswalk in the right lane? Yeah, that one was probably the closest call to date. Luckily, I was watching BOTH lanes. I immediately stopped in the left lane and watched as the driver turned to look at me and waved. Not a "Yeah, I knew you were there," but a "Oh, thanks for yielding to me." What's the point of the wave?  Seriously.

Now I am not at all saying that I've never had a case of road rage.  I sometimes think that my mother and I are the poster children for these occasional outbursts. Of course, I have what I call a "healthy case of road rage."  No hidden firearms or brass knuckles in my glove compartment.

But after all of the rants I have heard involving pedestrians and how we are inferior to motorists, I have a thought  for all of you drivers to ponder. (Well, at least those that suffer from a superiority complex....)

It is simply this:  Pedestrians invented automobiles.

Thank you very much.